Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Walk This Way

Journaling helps tame the noise upstairs, mediates for gremlins of fear and doubt, records activities throughout the years, documents personal and professional achievements.  Journaling is really good and I realized I was behind on my journal notebook.  My pen-crutch got me off my ass afterwards and so, homeboy has also cleaned my room a little more and started a load of laundry.  

I'm grateful for the support of my family and friends.  I'm grateful both for opportunities and pitfalls.  I'm grateful for passers by and friendly clerks.  I'm grateful for the internet for literally being essential but also giving me a public forum to share my music and musings on life, love, and the American way.  I'm grateful that I have a brain programmed to try again and learn by experience, a clever brain desiring to do its job well.  I'm grateful for my elders who have listened with me and steered me in the right direction.  I'm grateful for my disability in the way it allows me to see the world differently and is a conduit to create!

There's no free lunch, and life is no picnic.  But we are here to walk each forward in the direction of peace and prosperity.  We will fall.  We will take a few hits.  Maybe we'll even undergo an 8-Count.  Rest assured our personhood matters and we are future light.  So if life hands you lemons, don't just start blasting because I've been there too.  I've overreacted and defensively sunk in my teeth to a supposed enemy.  Here we are again, the voice in my head says, and it believes all the worst.  All I can really say is when you feel stuck and rather out of luck, it gets better, it works out, there is always a solution.  If a supposed enemy who was caught in the spiritual crossfire reads this, my apologies and higher intentions towards you and your way forward.  We sail by the same weather and are set by the same sun, on our way back home.

I'm grateful for my guitars and digital music studio.  I'm grateful for music in the park, disk golf, and doing skateboard tricks.  I'm grateful for my MP3 player, yes MP3 player LOL.  I'm grateful for libraries and shopping malls.  I'm grateful for my apartment and the grace given to make mistakes in my experience of independence.  I'm grateful for a nice bet, hot water, a stove, fridge, and microwave.  I'm grateful that my parents taught me right from wrong.  I'm thankful for the bullying I went through because it made me never want to put anyone else through that same thing, and it taught me compassion.  I'm thankful for games like 'Jenga: Bob's Burgers edition' 'Uno Dar' 'Cards Against Humanity' 'Mancala'.  I'm also thankful that God made me - just like this!     

Sunday, June 26, 2022

The bigger picture is love. I know I'm good.

So, I talked with an old friend on the phone.  She said we all have highs and lows and live imperfectly but keep looking up.  

When I got hospitalized for mental health, I began reading more.  It put my world in the context of that book's world.  I've kept reading for entertainment, and also a coping mechanism on into the now.  Reading feels more open to my interpretation.  

Music, skateboarding, videogames, cooking, reading, an eclectic education, and all my other ventures have value in and of themselves.  No more pressure.  Forget a cash grab.

The bigger picture is love.  I know I'm good.